Beloved Birchtrees, Guardians of Remembrance

As a child I have been close friends with 2 birch trees. I was blessed to grow up in a house with a garden. It wasn't that big, but for me it was my queendom. In that very garden there where two beautiful tall birch trees standing very close to each other.

Oh, what a delight it was when one day I discovered that I was tall enough to catch hold of the lowest branches and climb up with my feet! And climb on the next branch.... and the next.... and the next....and the next....I was a good climber, flexible and adjustable.

It was like an escape into another world - the universe of the birch tree.

I remember with great love the incredible smoothness of its bark, the beauty of the creamy white colour... the thin layers that I was carefully peeling off when the skin was dry and ready the be renewed... Just like the finest sheets of paper. I remember the light green, heart-shaped leafs beautified by the sunlight shining through... dancing and whispering in the wind...

I used to climb until the very top, where the branches where soft and flexible. And yet I was full of trust in my judgement and in the trees' capability to support my body safely.

When the wind would freshen up, the trees would start swinging gently back and forth. Especially at the whole top part where he branches where soft. And there I would sit, high up, with such a delicious feeling of exhalation – freedom and security at once – oneness with the tree.

Looking at the whole little world of my childhood from a different, elevated perspective...seeing the house, the neighbours gardens...

Oh I have always been fascinated by different perspectives...

The garden of my childhood was also bordering with a big white wall. It was about two meters high and behind it there was a garden with very tall trees of a different kind...rather rare trees with big leaves...But the actual view of the garden always remained hidden because of the wall. Never did I hear voices or footsteps from the other side. It was a mystery to me and at times the longing to walk through that secret garden just once was very strong.

All the years that I have been playing in our own garden day in day out, and never have I been able to see beyond it. Knowing this wall so closely...using different plant colours to „paint“ on it....red rose-petals, the purple juice from the berries of wild vine covering the wall at places....Playing with my ball, bouncing it off the wall...

It too was my friend. But never having seen its backside, I was utterly fascinated by the idea of getting a glimpse of „the other side of the wall“. It is like knowing the palm of your hand but never actually having seen its backside....thats how it felt. And by the way, that is EXACTLY the feeling I experienced, when I first set foot on the African continent in my late twenties.The feeling of familiarity with the land was puzzling! As if recognising my ancient home, the other side of the modern world, the forgotten one....and yet the one where we have our deepest roots!

It was my heavenly refuge in the crowns of the birch trees that finally allowed me to have some glimpses of the wild garden.

In a similar manner I was enchanted by the moon, the bright side and the hidden side. The seen and the unseen...

At night I used to sit on top of my desk looking out of the window, marveling at the moon and the stars. I remember one very stormy night, being spellbound by the sight of the tall trees being rocked back and forth with the wind, the mighty, howling sound, the soft branches being tossed around energetically, almost violently.... In those moments I received the unmistakable call of the Beloved and I experienced such a strong longing to find Him/Her, that it would never again leave me....

These moments where the most happy and meaningful ones of my life, when I felt free and secure and wild and one with nature, full of overflowing joy and awe and love for creation. And these memories were engraved in my soul, or more precisely my „Chitta“ (Sanskrit-Term for the storehouse of consciousness), so deeply that until today they remind me of my own true nature.

So the birch tree really feels like a guiding spirit for me, a member of my family that holds the memory of my deepest roots and stands as a witness and a reminder.

As a child I was strongly determined not to get lost in this world of the adults, these strange creatures that seemed to have lost the ability to perceive beyond their awkwardly limited range of vision. I was dreading each birthday, having to add one more year to my age. Intuitively I was knowing what was to come, that I would have to watch my childhood paradise slip through my fingers.... and here I am now in my early forties. Oh boy, did I get entangled and lost! Now I can say that despite of my best intentions and strong determination I had no chance of escaping the unavoidable... Like most of us, I went through many of life's ordeals - lost loves, lost children, lost dreams, betrayals, self-betrayals, illness....

The crucial question in all this is:

Are we becoming more cold, more tense, more suspicious and narrowminded through ou painful experiences? And do we hold on even more tightly to our alleged securities?

Or do we give in to life und let go, ...realize that everything from which we derive our value and identity and from which we expect fullfillment is fragile and perishable?

That none of all this acquired corresponds to our True Self? Are we willing to take off all disguises and do we have the courage to stand naked, just like we are? Do we drop all weapons and open our hands knowing that we are always free to give and receive, but can`t hold on to anything forever? Do we start to look deeper and rediscover our true nature, to make our way to our true home?

What joy it is to uncover these threads of memory....following the breadcrumbs that have been laid out for me by my loving Mother of the Universe in my early years....

How much courage, how much strength, how much patience, how much perseverance, how much LOVE is needed to break free from layers upon layers of acquired conditioning. How much fear is to be faced... how much dying of false identities....false securities... has to be endured....

Until we are ready for liberation, ready for our free fall right into Mother's arms!

I don't know what else this life's path is holding for me or how long it will take to be in Her embrace always, but I am getting ready. There is a sense of excitement ... knowing that my Beloved is close!